Let me start with a disclaimer. This is MY space. I carved it out so that I can unpack. It will be littered, it will be messy, but it is the only way that I can find what belongs to my children.
Please KNOW that anything and everything that I have — that is of true value — I plan to give to my children before I die….
I assure you that everything that I write here is my own…..not necessarily because I said it first, or because I said it best, but simply because I said it…..NOTHING here will be plagiarized. Even if the words come out exactly the same way someone else said them, and I don’t give them credit, don’t assume that I knew that they said it; that I even remember that they copywrote it in a book I read when I was 7. I will never pretend that I INVENTED truth. Truth cannot be owned, it can only BE. There is nothing new. Nothing. There are no original thoughts. We cannot manufacture “what is”; we perceive, experience, emote and respond to truth….almost always without a thought.
But because I live inside my head, my children don’t always have access to the process; they only see the results; and I want them to know who they are…..because it’s the best gift I can give them. So, here I will say what I think, feel, remember, imagine, wish. That doesn’t mean it’s right — simply that it’s me, right then and there, holding up a fun-house mirror for my children to seek out their own reflection.
The incentive for exposing my vulnerability and self-importance comes by way of a small measure of comfort in knowing that my children might know who I am; not just what I do - - because (believe it or not) for the time being, while I appear to be merely the SUM total of my parts, it’s important to remember that my totality has been expanded exponentially by the simple and profound fact that there is you, that there is us, and that we ARE….
Without you, how could I possible know that I know almost nothing except the 3 things I know with absolute certainty.
I guess I’ll start there. Rina, Elizabeth, Nadia, Dragan and Branco, I want to share with you (my glorious children) what I think about THIS and THAT…..
So here it is….
1 - I know for SURE that I am dying.
2 - I know that for SURE that I know that for sure.
3 - I know for SURE that I love you and that I never want to leave you.